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Live Bravely.

9/21/2018

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Picture
Art by E.W. Kemble in “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,” 1884. Credit: Getty Images
​At this year’s Convocation I spoke of the concept of the “healthy struggle,” that as parents we must allow our children not only to make mistakes but also to recover from mistakes of their own making. From an academic standpoint, healthy struggle leads to the development of a scholar who is not content with the status quo and who is always in search of a better way.  But most of all, I am referring to a social struggle; for without successful resolution of healthy social struggles, a child fails to develop people skills. In the terms of Daniel Goleman, a child who knows no struggle lacks emotional I.Q.  
 
I am a parent of two millennial children, and a self-admitted imperfect parent on even my best day, so I do not want to seem preachy in my first Crossties post of the year. I do, however, want to set forward a discussion point for us as a community this year. How can we as parents refrain from making our children’s lives “perfect” so that they can find the struggles to solve?
My guess is that if you are reading this, you have clicked on the “Read More” button and are now reading below the fold (an antiquated newspaper analogy). So, I will risk a trip down memory lane by telling you that when I was 10 years old, my mother would allow me to hike a mile into the woods behind our house with my friends, pitch a tent, build a fire, cook dinner, and spend the night out with no adult supervision.  We would come home the next morning, smoky, hungry, tired, and feeling like Lewis and Clark, or at least how we imagined they must have felt. How many of you today would allow your ten-year-old do the same? Here is another question: How many of you would allow your 17-year-old son to travel abroad for six weeks with two friends of the same age, with no set itinerary, and no way for you to contact him short of hoping he showed up at an American Express office in Paris?  Don’t feel bad if you answered no to these questions.  You are probably in good company, my wife and myself included. 
 
I mention these scenarios because I distinctly remember these experiences four decades later as being an important part of my childhood but that it conflicts with the way in which I conduct myself as a parent. I am aware that my own parenting style is considerably more present in the lives of my children. Instead, I camped with my kids and tromped through Europe with them, ultimately denying them the experience of being in charge of their own actions.
 
I picked up a copy of the September edition of Outside magazine on my way to China a couple of weeks ago. Usually I read the magazine and leave it in the seat pocket to avoid the added weight in my briefcase, but this time I kept this issue due to its cover article “Rewilding the American Child.” I recommend this article to you even with some of its neo-flowerchild flavor as it speaks to the importance of providing a sense of adventure and independence in our children. At the school level, our faculty and staff will continue our discussion of how best we can develop independent thinkers and doers. 
 
Rome wasn’t built in a day and it will be hard for us to overcome the irrational fear of our children’s failure, but if we can raise our awareness of the educational value of struggle, perhaps we can make some gains. (By the way, the motto of Outside magazine is “Live Bravely.” Sound advice.) 
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    Christian J. Proctor, PhD

    Dr. Proctor is the ninth Head of School at North Cross and has served as such since 2011. He has more than 30 years of experience in education. He has served as headmaster at Porter-Gaud School in Charleston, South Carolina, St. Martin’s Episcopal School in Metairie, Louisiana, Grace Episcopal School in Monroe, Louisiana, and as Interim Headmaster at Wesley Academy in Houston, Texas. In each location, Dr. Proctor’s tenure was marked by creativity, innovation, and school growth. 

    Dr. Proctor earned his Bachelor’s Degree in Geology from Colgate University, a Master’s Degree in Geology from Duke University, and a Ph.D. in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. A native of Chapel Hill, NC, Dr. Proctor and his wife, Ellie, have two children, Katherine and Andrew ’14.

    He can be reached at cproctor@northcross.org.

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4254 Colonial Avenue
Roanoke, Virginia 24018
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North Cross School is an independent, coeducational, college-preparatory day school founded in 1944 and governed by a volunteer Board of Trustees.

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North Cross is accredited by the Virginia Association of Independent Schools. North Cross School's Junior Kindergarten is accredited by the Virginia Association of Independent Schools who is recognized by the Board of Education pursuant to §22.1-19 of the Code of Virginia authorizes the Virginia Council for Private Education to accredit private nursery, preschool, elementary and secondary schools in Virginia
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North Cross is a member of the National Association of Independent Schools, National Association for College Admission Counseling, and Potomac and Chesapeake Association for College Admission Counseling, The Cum Laude Society and the Council for Advancement and Support of Education.

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  • WHO WE ARE
    • Vision & Values
    • Diversity & Inclusion
    • Building Character
    • Board of Trustees
    • Senior Administration
    • Our new Head of School: Armistead Lemon '95
    • Campus Map
    • In the News
    • NOW@NORTHCROSS
  • ACADEMICS
    • Lower School >
      • Early Childhood Program
      • First through Third Grades
      • Fourth and Fifth Grades
      • Meet Our Faculty
    • Middle School >
      • Sixth through Eighth Grades
      • Meet Our Faculty
    • Upper School >
      • Ninth through Twelfth Grades >
        • Global Studies Distinction
        • STEM Distinction
        • Fine Arts Distinction
        • Internship Program
      • Course Catalog
      • College Counseling
      • Meet Our Faculty
    • The Talfourd H. Kemper Library
    • CrossWalk for Learning Differences >
      • Meet Our Faculty
  • ARTS
    • Band
    • Chorus
    • Studio Art & Graphic Design
    • Theater
    • Friends of the Arts
  • ATHLETICS
    • Athletics Calendar
    • Teams & Schedules
    • Championships & Awards
    • Forms
    • Facilities
    • Meet Our Athletics Staff
    • Athletic Boosters
    • In the News
  • STUDENT LIFE
    • Dress Code
    • Extracurriculars
    • International Students
    • Boarding at North Cross
    • After-School Opportunities
    • Summer Programs
  • PARENT/Alumni RESOURCES
    • Log in to FACTS
    • School Calendar
    • Back-to-School
    • Student & Parent Handbook
    • Parent Opportunities
    • Need to Get in Touch?
    • Covid Protocols
    • Alumni >
      • Awards
      • Athletic Hall of Fame
      • In the News
      • Class Notes
      • In Memoriam
    • Spirit Stores >
      • Apparel
      • Gifts & Accessories
      • Athletics
  • ADMISSIONS
    • COVID-19 Updates
    • What is an independent school?
    • Inquire & Tour
    • How to Apply
    • Tuition and Fees
    • International Student FAQs
    • Meet Our Team
  • SUPPORT
    • Give to North Cross
    • The Legacy Campaign
    • Meet Our Team
    • Corporate Sponsors
    • Foundation Tax Credits Program